Grit, Grace, and Gratitude - Celebrating the Life of Kari Ann Dokken Schultz

To Adam, Alexa, and Ada, to the Dokken and Schultz families, to all of Kari’s friends, and all the beloved of God in this sanctuary, grace to you and peace from God our Creator and the Savior of the world Jesus the Christ. Amen.

I want to begin my message today by acknowledging the variety of feelings held in this sanctuary today, which is indeed a holy ground today for remembrance and mourning. Today is difficult. Today we mark the bitter reality of having lost a beautiful woman, a beautiful soul, who carried so many important roles in her life: wife, mother, sister, daughter, granddaughter, friend, parishioner, and nurse. Today we mark the bitter reality of losing Kari far too soon, at the age of 32, with what was supposed to have been a life of promise ahead of her: full of decades of fulfilling work, a growing family, and finding new ways to love. Today, we mark the bitter reality that life is finite, that we do not always have forever, or even another day. We are not here in this sanctuary because we want to be – we would give anything, I believe, to have Kari back with us. We are here, however, because we must be. We are here, because as people who have had their lives touched by Kari in one way or another, we must help one another through this sojourn of deep grief, pain, and loss. We are here because in this moment being community and being support for one another is one acute, tangible thing that we can do: remembering our connectedness, remembering our temporality, remembering that our only mission is to love and to show grace. Whatever you are feeling today, God honors and calls it holy. Whatever you are feeling today, God is with you and with all of us in this tomb, and God will continue to stand with us until by God’s grace God decides to pull us out. Let us, in this moment, honor what we feel, and bear with one another in love and in comfort. I think that Kari, as her very spirit continues to fill this space and show up in our lives and memories, would want nothing less.

Kari Ann Dokken Schultz lived her life for others – and this translated in so many beautiful ways. Through her work as a public health nurse in Fillmore County, Kari touched many lives through her attentive and detailed nature, desiring to help people see health and wholeness. In 2008, she met the man who would come to hold her heart and become her husband, Adam Schultz. Adam and Kari were married in 2010 and together worked on their home in Amherst, where they would soon welcome two beautiful daughters: Alexa and Ada, who to this day and throughout their lives will remember Kari’s most important role – that of being a mom. In my visits with Kari over the course of the last almost three years, I admired her courageous tenacity in how she lived motherhood: her daughters were her touchstone, her reason for being, and her source of gratitude. Ada and Alexa, you both and your dad now have a very important job to do: to remember your mother’s life, to keep her story alive, and to live with the wisdom and grace that she shared with you as you grew up.

As pastor to the Henrytown community, I only knew Kari in her last years, meeting her soon after she had been diagnosed and had her first surgery. Throughout the surgery, chemotherapy, and the pendulum swing of changes that a brain cancer diagnosis brings to one’s life, Kari’s sense of grace and gratitude was only fortified and highlighted: what was before an appreciation for life and its blessings now became a daily reminder. One of her signature sayings was “I am grateful for today”, something she repeated often in our conversations. Kari, throughout her cancer treatments, was intentional about savoring every moment with family, friends, and loved ones. She, I believe, lived the most attentive and earnest life of anyone I have ever known, knowing truly what it means to be present and to value those who journey alongside us in the course of our lives. Another motto, whether it was a good day or bad day health-wise for Kari, that she said every day was something that I want to share because it was a true representation of the spirit of Kari’s fight. However, I want to warn you all that it is probably not something that should be repeated elsewhere. I’m going to share it here, only: Kari’s daily mantra was, “Kick ass today!” which I think perfectly describes her sense of grit and grace. Now, Alexa, Ada, and all the school-aged kids here, I don’t want you going to share that in school, because you might get in trouble. But here, in the spirit of Kari’s life, I think it is appropriate. Kari was going to take life on and she was going to own it, because each day held so much value and promise – whether it was spending time with Ada and Alexa and making them lunch, sitting on the porch in the warm sun, or being here at church. One beautiful August day, my visit with Kari was cut short because she told me that she was going to happy hour with work colleagues: I believe that that was Kari’s way of kicking ass that day. She gave thanks for absolutely every moment and made them, and her whole life, a profound experience.

These stories and memories only touch upon a fraction of who Kari was: it will take all of us, sharing our stories and memories of her, to paint a more complete portrait of her life and legacy. Kari lived a life of grace, grace that is reflected in our Gospel reading for today from the Gospel of John. John’s Gospel is beautiful because in many ways it is universal: it talks of life’s origins – “In the beginning was the Word and the Word was with God” – that Christ was in all things in the beginning and Christ was with God, and it is in Christ that we have our purpose and being – verse 14 says that “And the Word (that is, Jesus) became flesh and lived among us, and we have seen his glory, the glory as of a father’s only son, full of grace and truth.” This universal picture that John is painting for God’s people is one that is expansive: Christ comes into our world in the form of human being, knowing the fullness of our experiences and emotions: from deep grief to exuberant joy. It is in Christ’s living and ministry that we see the fullness of grace and truth – Jesus was always one to extend a hand to strangers, to feed the hungry, heal the sick, and visit those imprisoned. It is a portrait of grace that turns the world upside down with the reality of the depths and truth of love. While we are here on earth, in our living pilgrimage, we see this depth of love and grace only in part. I think that every one of us here experienced grace in the form of Kari’s courage, Kari’s love, and Kari’s witness to our world. In Kari, each of us saw what Christ gives to us: “From his fullness we have all received grace upon grace.” It is in this fullness – the very wideness of love, the depth of salvation, and the promise of God’s resurrection – which Kari is now living. And in God’s great reconciliation, Kari’s brain cancer is gone. Her pain is gone. She is living life which defeats the sting of death. I believe that what helped Kari make the transition from this life to life in God was knowing that she was completely and fully loved in every way: as a mother, as a wife, as a daughter, as a friend, and as a parishioner, and that she, too, had seen the fullness of God’s grace in her relationships. Kari is experiencing with all of the saints grace upon grace and the gifts of God’s lavish love. And, when our earthly pilgrimage comes to a close and our days will be no more, we too will know the fullness of God’s love, glory, grace, and truth.

My friends, beloved of Kari and beloved of God, might we live today and every day in Kari’s spirit, even as she is no longer physically here with us. Might we keep her alive in our laughter, in our tears, in our storytelling, and in our commitments to live life in a way that honors how she would have lived: full of grit and full of grace, reflective of how God is with us and how we are to be with one another. May we find our own ways to “kick ass” each and every day, because as God’s beloved creation God desires for us to live life authentically, honestly, well, and fully. Kari was a beautiful example of how to live this life we are given: with integrity, with spirit, with connection, and with endless love, even in the face of life’s temporality. As we go throughout our days and weeks that are ahead, might we hold one another gently and well, because God has given us power to be light to one another and light for our world. May we know that the fullness of our feelings, our tears, and our stories this day and always are sacred and holy and beloved by God. May we one day, if not now, if not soon, trust that resurrection is possible, and that life might defeat the sting of death, separation, and pain. This life we have been given is “grace upon grace”, and Kari lived this with integrity and truth. May we live in Kari’s spirit, giving thanks for her life and for her memory – trusting that God is big enough to hold all the realities of our human sojourn. Blessed be Kari’s memory.

Amen.